Seeing Improvements

As our journey progressing I see Nicole growing up more and more. She has finally started sleeping in her own bed! The past 3 nights she feel asleep on her own in her room, with no help from me. She has grown in the past few months and I am loving what I am seeing.

I must include a cute story here. Last Friday when she came home from school, I asked her what she wanted as her reward for attempting to sleep in her bed by herself; all last week she made attempts, feel asleep once and had to come in with me the rest of the times. So she said to me ” You know I have been thinking about that, I think you should clean my room for me!” I just laughed at her, but then I started thinking, this is an excellent idea. She HATES cleaning her room, even to keep it tidy is a HUGE chore for her. She said “You will save money, because you won’t have to buy anything for me, I will not stress out about my room so much, Everyone wins” And she is correct.

I think we as parents may put too much emphasis on keeping a room clean and tidy. Its not that they don’t know how to clean, its just extremely boring, especially for a child with ADHD. So I cleaned her room. And I will continue to keep it tidy. She of course will pick up after herself but I think this is a better arrangement for her as I want her to focus on beating her anxiety and focusing more on school work.

And now she has slept in her bed, by herself, 3 days this week. She has woken up once and been able to put herself back to sleep. In her own room. This is HUGE for her. So not only will I keep her room clean, she will get another reward. This seems to work better for her, rewarding her for jobs done well and accomplishing things. And as she continues to sleep in her bed and beat this anxiety I will reward her. Until I think she has it completely under control. Then we move on to something else. She has an FTX for cadets coming up again and I know she will be able to go and have a great time. Her anxiety has its waves but she understands better than ever that everyone deals with it, and that she can’t let it control her life.

As always it is baby steps that will help her!

Chill Mom

 

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A little more progress

Nicole has been up and down the last few weeks. We have been keeping busy with the gym and the return of spring, but she also had to get her immunization shots and had two doctor appointments, the most recent one on Saturday. This was a counselling session with our new family doctor. Both Hubby and I went as well. Sort of a mini family therapy session.

Man what a difference. That day we discussed what the doctor had said, which was that I had to be less of a “security blanket” and I had to be firmer with her. She absolutely has to get out of bed in the morning, and the less time I spend in her room with her the better. And last night, she did it. She went to bed by herself and fell asleep in her own bed, with out me with her.

If you have been following along you will understand how HUGE this is for Nicole. She is soooooo proud of herself and I am SUPER proud of her. There were no tears, there was no, “please mom, I can’t do this” It was like a switch in her had been turned to let her fall asleep without me.

I think the doctor telling us that I had to “cut the cord” so to speak really hit home. She realizes that she is almost 13 years old and needs to start growing up. We have to just soldier through our anxiety and keep reminding ourselves that none of us are in harm when our anxiety is acting up. It is in our heads. It helped that Hubby expressed his own anxieties and that our doctor has anxiety herself. By the end of the appointment we could see the difference in Nicole and how relaxed she had become around the Doctor.

So hopefully we can keep it going in the right direction. Hubby is away this week for work so we are hoping to surprise him when he comes home to her sleeping in her own bed! He would be astonished!

We have parent teacher this week as well, so I’m looking forward to that, just because it is the last one of the year and I am having the principal sit in with both teachers, so that we can formulate a plan for getting her more organized first thing in the morning. She is still misplacing work and struggling along, but i feel that she has come a long way since September.

Have a great week

Chill mom Julia

Reblog: From Army of One

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/feeling-our-way/201804/how-think-about-adhd In response to the article (link above) entitled … How to think about ADHD by Michael Karson. Whilst I agree with the bulk of this article, I’m not entirely convinced on the meds point personally. I would argue that if people are not experiencing effects that are perhaps best described as being potentially ‘life […]

via ADHD is a three fold situation – Biology v/s Psychology v/s Environment combined. — Be The Change!

I read the article they included in this post and I didn’t really agree with it.

What does everyone else think? The article makes it seem like changing the environment surrounding the ADHDer will make the symptoms go away. And makes it seem like it doesn’t affect their quality of life!!! Seriously

 

Maybe I need more coffee.

 

Chill Mom

Book Review of Then she Was Gone by Lisa Jewell

Then she was Gone by Lisa Jewell is an absolutely fantastic wonder of a novel that I couldn’t get enough of. I loved it from beginning to end. I was sure I knew what was going to happen, then something would change, and I would think, OK, now I know whats going to happen, and then it would change again, each time throwing me for a loop. One of the best stories I have read in years. I couldn’t put it down. It is written in the first person from varying points of view and you can relate to so many of them. I could relate to the main character, Laurel, because she is a mom and I have two daughters. I have “golden” children that I don’t know what I would do if either of them vanished. It spooked me and I had to stop and go give them both a hug while I was reading this. I kept wondering if the same thing ever happened to one of my children if I would push my other children and husband away. Every new turn I would ask myself, is this what I would do?
It is a well written and engaging story that resonates long after you have put it down.
Half way through you start to read in someone else’s point of view, and I loved it. It changed up the novel without losing the feel of the story.

“May was like the Friday night of summer: all the good times lying ahead of you, bright and shiny and waiting to be lived” Loc418  Loved this saying and it is so true. Maybe a sign of what is to come?
The ending was not what I was expecting at all with a hugely suspenseful buildup, and it wasn’t until very close to the end that everything became clear and I can not give more detail than that because I would be giving too much of the story away. It is a real emotional story that I felt deep with in my soul. Can’t wait to read more by Lisa Jewell.

Synopsis

“Ellie Mack was the perfect daughter. She was fifteen, the youngest of three. She was beloved by her parents, friends, and teachers. She and her boyfriend made a teenaged golden couple. She was days away from an idyllic post-exams summer vacation, with her whole life ahead of her.

And then she was gone.

Now, her mother Laurel Mack is trying to put her life back together. It’s been ten years since her daughter disappeared, seven years since her marriage ended, and only months since the last clue in Ellie’s case was unearthed. So when she meets an unexpectedly charming man in a café, no one is more surprised than Laurel at how quickly their flirtation develops into something deeper. Before she knows it, she’s meeting Floyd’s daughters—and his youngest, Poppy, takes Laurel’s breath away.

Because looking at Poppy is like looking at Ellie. And now, the unanswered questions she’s tried so hard to put to rest begin to haunt Laurel anew. Where did Ellie go? Did she really run away from home, as the police have long suspected, or was there a more sinister reason for her disappearance? Who is Floyd, really? And why does his daughter remind Laurel so viscerally of her own missing girl?”

 

**I would like to thank Netgalley for providing me with an electronic version of Then she was Gone in return for an honest review. 

Book Review of The Case of the Deadly Dopperganger By Lucy Banks

So the first book I reviewed for #NetGalley has been released so I figured I would re post my Review of this book. I’m so excited to promote this novel. I loved the quirkyness of the novel and I’m looking forward to the second one in the series! Let me know if you have read this one or plan to!

#LucyBanks #ThecaseoftheDeadlyDopperganger

I’m going to be doing this review on here before putting it to NetGalley. This will be my first review for them, any tips would be most appreciated!!!Please tell me what you think of the review and the Photo.

Review

The first thing that grabbed my attention was the cover of the Novel. I loved the red cover with the house in the back ground and the birds flying over. Very nicely done. Even if you’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover, it sure helps when it is appealing.

Within the first paragraph I was intrigued with this novel. It grabbed my attention and kept it throughout the novel. This tale is of an agency that investigates cases of supernatural, coming mostly from the viewpoint of Kester, a new member of the agency. His mother recently passed away and his father owns the agency. Unbeknownst to him she was a spirit investigator herself and has recently discovered his own powers of dealing with the supernatural; he actually has a skill that is rare for dealing with spirits.  This novel tells the events of one investigation dealing with one murderous spirit that must be returned to where it came from. It talks of a renewed relationship with Kester and his father. A new beginning for Kester as his father pushes him to begin his education into the supernatural, as well as a new female relationship. It is fast past and a quick read with a few twists that I didn’t see coming.

One of the characters is transgender, and although it is not a main theme in the book I’m glad to see it being added into literature. Banks seems to be speaking directly to the world with this one line;

       “I’d rather people were just open about it rather than being scared to talk about it                        with me, to be honest.” *Loc3510

When the group is discussing transgender it feels like it is an important issue for Banks and I applaud her for adding it into her novel. She blends it seamlessly into the novel. She is delicate with the issue but makes it known that it should be talked about more in an open manner. I agree with her that if we talk about it more, more people will be OK with it. This was the first novel that I read with transgender being a part of the novel and I’m glad we are adding it to current literature.

Although it is intriguing and thoughtful I found Kester to be a overly whiny and self loathing and I hope as the series grows he will as well. I had a hard time connecting to the characters, for a few of them were pompous, and they all seemed to have odd behaviors. Serena was overly sarcastic to almost meanness. They were a bit eccentric, but I think that is what Banks is going for.  The use of the word spluttered was thrown around a lot. I guess it is something I would need to get use to. I don’t typically read British or European novels, it takes a bit of getting use to with the differences in slang.

This novel is the second in a series, and because I didn’t know this right from the beginning I was a trifle confused through out the novel. I wished I had read the first so I could feel more connected with the characters, it might be the reason I didn’t connect with them in this novel, I need more background with characters.

Overall I enjoyed the novel, it was intriguing and has left me wondering what will happen to the characters next. It wasn’t hard to follow and was a quick read. The characters were spunky, if a tad whiny, and I hope they grow with each novel that Banks writes. I will be reading more of the series in hopes of the characters growing and learning what becomes of them and more of there adventures dealing with spirits. This series is reminiscent of Scooby Doo mysteries or Nancy Drew, which I absolutely LOVED as a child.

The only other thing I will mention is that it wasn’t as descriptive as I prefer (remember I LOVE Stephen King, so the more the descriptive the better) A bit more descriptive words would have added to the novel a bit more for my taste.

Thanks for reading my review and please tell me what you think!

 

*Banks, L. (2018) Dr. Riberio’s Agency of the Supernatural: The Case of the Deadly                              Doppleganger. New York, NY: Amberjack Publishing

*disclaimer-I would like to thank Netgalley for providing me a digital copy in exchange for an honest review.

Some really terrifying news, how will this affect our families mental health.

How do I talk about this, how do I get it out of my head and into something more manageable.

I have received word that someone rather close to us is now a prostitute. And that her “boyfriend” is her pimp. This happens a lot here in our province as it does in many cities with large drug problems. I don’t know if I will publish this or not. But I may. I like how getting the words out of my head and onto (or into) the computer help. I would like some valuable insight for I am struggling with talking to Nicole about this. We are the type of family that talks about everything, why should this be different. This sin’t my story to tell her, but if she hears it from someone else she will over react.

What if???

My fear is that my little love bug, my sweet innocent little girl, who used to hang out with her and caught her smoking up once can relate to her. Because she knows her. Also because they are so similar. I know her problems are bigger than Nicole’s because she doesn’t have a stable family home, she doesn’t have the love that Nicole does, from both her parents. But Nicole has the anxiety and the fear that no one likes her. I’m scared in the pit of my stomach from this news because…what if it happens to Nicole.

She is so impressionable, and naive. She has ADHD and anxiety, maybe OCD, and sensory processing disorder. And yes we have great days now, because she is twelve…What is going to happen when she is 15 and 16 years old. Can I lock her in her room until she is 25 and knows how to live on her own, without the help of narcotics or alcohol. Nope, can’t do that, thats illegal…

The medication she is using isn’t helping with her anxiety, how long before she discovers weed and that it helps settle her mind. Am I a strong enough mother to help her through everything that comes our way. I already don’t trust the friends that she has at school. Two of them left her alone at the gym over the weekend, didn’t care that she would be there by herself for 3 hours, just left. We had to go get her earlier than expected.

She is mad at them then makes up as soon as they talk to her again. What am I to do. I want to switch schools, but she needs to stand up for herself, not let these kids walk all over her. What happens when they start offering her smokes? Then coolers? Have I taught her enough that she will know when the right time to say no is, will she call me and tell me she doesn’t feel comfortable and she needs me to pick her up?

Needless to say, I’m freaking out a bit. This child that I have known most of her life has felt so desperate that she needed to turn to drugs and now prostitution. We have reached out to her, but she has anger problems and she didn’t want the help. She had a mom who left her early, a lot of anger issues, anxiety, and a father who was just trying the best he could. I guess she felt like she had no one to turn too. I don’t understand because she has a grandfather that is a 5 minute walk from her home, and she has no problem asking him for money for “weed”, they were always close, but when ever any of us try to talk to her she would lash out. She has lost a tremendous amount of weight and we are sure she is into much more than weed.

Nicole looked up to her, spent nights at her house, played with her. AJ is very close to her in age and they use to hang out and play and I sometimes wished my kids had a little of her spunk. She doesn’t take shit off anyone. But now she is in a bit of predicament and I don’t know how she is going to react. Will she be pushed over the edge to suicide. Will she feel like she has nothing to live for? Will she just run away because she feel like none of us understand.

Here is my question to all of you. Have you had a similar experience to this, did you have children that you felt you had to protect from a person they were once close to. A family friend, an aunt. Even a mother or grandmother, father or grandfather. Do I open up about this with Nicole. I feel like she will find out anyway, our family (being ADHD) have a hard time keeping things quiet. I’m scared that this may set Nicole back with her own mental health. We have a doctors appointment tomorrow after she gets her needles. We need to do more for her mental health, because the way we are going now is not the way we should be going. She needs therapy. I guess that is another thing Nicole has a mother who will fight for her and push her towards the better way of things. We are open and she trusts that we talk about anything. So I guess I will talk to her. I will sit down tonight with both my girls and talk to them about mental health and how important it is to reach out when they are feeling low. No matter how uncomfortable they are.

Please share your experiences with us, so we can know we are not alone.

Thank you all for reading

 

 

 

Book Review: Act of Vanishing by Fredrik T. Olsson

Description:

“A city in darkness. A hero in disgrace. His daughter in the gravest danger. With its heart-pounding action and breakneck pace, Acts of Vanishing is the perfect blockbuster thriller.


One winter evening just before Christmas, Stockholm is plunged into a sudden, citywide blackout. Radio, internet, phone service—all cut out simultaneously, cloaking the city in darkness and silence.

On the pitch-black streets, a young woman carries a message for her estranged father. It may be the key to reversing the blackout and preventing further attacks. But someone powerful is determined to stop her from delivering it…

In an eerily quiet newsroom, journalist Christina Sandberg tries to piece together what’s happening. She has a terrible feeling that, somehow, her ex-husband William is involved…

Code breaker and cyber-security expert William Sandberg received an anonymous email, immediately before the blackout, with very specific directions to be followed. His erstwhile colleagues in the state military police are very aware of this correspondence. Sandberg is taken into custody-just when he most needs to be in action to clear his name, find his daughter, and save the country from disaster.”

 

My Review:

Acts of Vanishing by Fredrik Olsson is a Swedish novel of mystery. I enjoyed the novel from start to finish as it was ever changing and kept me on my toes. I never had it figured out, unlike some mysteries that you know who did it. It was a sad novel at times with twists and turns every chapter. I am enjoying Swedish novels, giving a bit of a twist on North American novels, this one did not disappoint. I enjoyed this novel because it was never straight to the point, it starts out very suddenly and you have to piece together what is going on throughout, giving the reader flash backs about the main characters Christina and William.
This novel makes the reader stop and think about what might actually happen to the world if something were to happen to the internet, with our dependency on the internet for pretty much everything in our lives now. It is about loss and suffering and decisions we make that we can never change.
The characters were well developed and I could feel their pain and suffering. I felt the confusion with William right up until the end. I liked how Olsson built on the characters slowly, it was like getting to know them instead of know exactly who they were right away.

 

**I would like to thank NetGalley for giving the advance copy in exchange for an honest review.